


Help me breathe

by ArthurFlecksGirl



Category: Joker (2019)
Genre: Angst, Asthma, F/M, Fluff, Love, Panic Attacks, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:53:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25054990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArthurFlecksGirl/pseuds/ArthurFlecksGirl
Summary: Reader is having an asthma attack and Arthur is helping out as much as he can
Relationships: Arthur Fleck/You, Reader - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Help me breathe

You held the photograph of Arthur in your hands while Frank Sinatra was playing from the other side of the room. It was a snapshot you took one week after you first met while walking through the park. Arthur was kneeing , just about to pick you a flower and turned around, realizing that you`re taking a picture of him. His smirk holding a cigarette between his lips. His hair kinda messy from the summer breeze that was blowing. It was one of your faves. So pure and honest. So him.  
You fixed it on the dark red page , right under the love note you wrote to him. Scrapbooking was something you learned from him. Arthur loved to fill empty journals with his thoughts. It started out as a chore, because his therapist recommented it but after a while he got really into it and now it became something he just loved to do. Especially since his diary wasnt just dark thoughts and black humur anymore. It changed pretty much since you had started your life together. Now it was more a collection of photos and memories.   
You took the pressed flower that was hidden inside of your fave novel and glued it beneath the photo. It was the exact same flower he picked at the moment the photo was taken. You thought it was a romantic thing to do and smiled at the finished page. Arthur will love this. You were sure of that.  
He didnt knew about your scrap book yet. It was soemthing you wanted to surprise him with ,when he wasn expecting to get a present. And now that it was almost finished, you felt really good about it. The journal felt heavy in yor hands. Proof that it contained many great memories. You checked it one more time. Was it really good enough? You stopped at a page on which the first love letter you ever dedicated to him was written. He never got it because you wrote a new one back then. But that very first letter was dear to your heart. You havent been brave enough to show him until now. It was just you yearning about him in the middle of the night and somehow you always thought it was embarassng. But now that you got to know him better - and you knew him well- you thought he would appriciate it . So you just decited to go with it and make it a part of his present.  
You closed the book and touched the cover which said "There is no life without you". Arthur deserved it. All of this. He deserved all the love in the world and more. And you were willing to give it to him.   
Oh how you wished you could give him the world. A smile crossed your lips while you hid the scrap book in the wardrobe again. Somehow you managed to do so. Your own little world! The bubble you and him created for each other. Ever since you moved into his apartment, life somehow felt like it was just you and him in your own little universe. Thats what you could give to him. And what he gave to you. And that alone was the greatest gift of them all.  
A look at the clock told you that Arthur should be back home soon. He headed out to go to the pharmacy a while ago to get his medication. He was getting some new ones and you both were pretty nervous aboout that. The old meds made him sick to the stomach and he wasnt able to eat anymore. His weight loss was imense, so the doctor recommended to try some new ones. But the side effects might be the same as before. Arthur changing his medication was something you didnt felt comfortable with. The fear of him feeling even worse than before was always there. You just couldnt stand to watch him suffer. Arthur suffered enough in his life. But no matter the side effects, you would be on his side, holding his hand.  
The Sinatra record just stopped playing as you felt your chest tighten up. You coughed. No please. Not now. Your asthma was setting in again. You hated it even more when Arthur wasnt with you. You reaached out for the inhaler, to notice that it wasnt there. Panic was rising in your chest in between seconds. Yo could have sworn that you placed it on the desk. Your hands started shaking from fear as you searched for it. You threw all the paper and pencils off the table, hoping the inhaler would show up- nothing. The coghing got worse with every second that past. You paced around teh room, looking under every blanket and pillow. Where was that damn inhaler? This cant be true. This must have been a nightmare.   
If only Arthur was there to help you out. Where was he anyway? He should have been back a while ago. You grabbed your own throath as the sensation of choking grew inside. You tried to concentrate, to keep calm. But all you could think about was that Arthur wasnt here to wrap his arms around you. He would have found that inhaler by now.   
Breathing out was getting harder and harder. This wasnt new to you. You have lost your inhaler before and you were aware of the fact that there was a possibility to faint if it took you too long to find it.   
You took in the position your doctors teached you. It should make it easier to breathe. But it felt like it wasnt helping at all. It felt the air was somehow stuck. You thought about Artthur and his embrace. Tried to remember how his arms felt around you. Tried to imagin he was breathing air into your lungs with his kiss. His soft lips. The last image that was going through your mind before you fell to your knees and landed on the floor, gasping for air.  
Luckily you heard some footsteps from the other side of the door. Arthur! It must hve been him. Thank god! He was home.  
You couldnt even answer the door but he had his keys with him and half a minute later he entered the room to find you on the floor. It didnt took him longer than a few seconds to realize what was going on.   
"Oh my god! Y/N! Baby, where is your inhaler?" You shurugged, trying to talk to him but you were so short of breath that it wasnt even possible to get some words out. Your breath fastened.  
Arthur threw his meds and keys on the floor and hurried up . He kneed down and took your face between his hands "I will get the inhaler for you now, okay. Do you have any idea where it is?" you shook your head and the concerned look on Arthurs face got worse. His green eyes wider than you have ever seen on him. He got up to search for it. He threw every pillow off the couch, checked bot tables, your bag. Nothing. Onto the kitchen. Arthur´s eyes and hands did their best to find it, but still nothing. "Baby, try to calm down, okay? I am here now" he was yelling from the kitchen "There is no need to be afraid. I am home now. I will find your inhaler." He couldnt hide the fear in his voice, no matter how hard he tried to swallow it. You heard him opening every drawer, the cupboards, threwing stuff out. He broke a plate by accident. "Sorry. Y/N. Oh, sorry".  
Every second seemed like an hour. How was it possible that the inhaler disappeared? It had to be somewhere. Usually you kept it in the same place every time.   
Arthurs hands started shaking. He wanted to help you. He wante to help you so bad. The worst thing to him was, that he couldnt just knee down with you and hug you right now. But he had to find the inhaler first. He kept talking to you from the other room. And somehow his voice calmed you down a bit. You still weren`t able to talk though. You just stared through the open wall so you could see him in the kitchen. The fear in his face was undeniable. To him seeing you suffer was much worse than to suffer himself. And he knew what suffering was. The side effects of his meds put him into bad conditions sometimes. He knew exactly how helpless it made you feel and you were aware of how powerless the other one felt.  
Arthur headed t the bedroom, hidig a whimper from you by covering his mouth with his hands. He was close to tears. Hearing the sound of your ratteling cough was torture to him. "Please" he said to himself "I gotta find it. I just have to." He lifted teh bedsheets. Nothing. Checked the table beside the bed. Nothing. A single tear was running down his cheek as he heard you trying to catch your breath from the living room "Just a second baby" he yelled "I will find it, I promise. It must be somewhere, right? Don`t worry. Just breathe, okay?"  
For a moment Arthur was just standing there in the middle of the room, crying. It was hard for him to cry. It was mostly just laughter coming out of him. But now it was real tears. He sniffed, hoping you wouldnt hear how desperate he felt. How powerless. Arthur covered his face with his hands, feeling the wetness of his cheeks. This was so unusual to him. He checkd his fingertips. Tears. For a brief moment he got all carried away by the situation . He didnt even move. It seemed like his body was frozen. Thats how afraid he was. As soon as Arthur was able to move again, he headed back to get the paper bag with his meds and swallowed one of the pills that calmed him down. He looked over on you. Your condition hasnt changed. But the look on your face told him that you realized that he haven`t found the inhaler yet. He tried to smile at you but it wasnt even a fragement of a smile. It was pure fear upon his face. The circles around his beautiful eyes seemed even darker than before. "I`ll get this thing for you, honey. " his voice was shaking as he got back to the bedroom. He kneed to look under the bed   
-and there it was!  
Arthur felt like the weight of the whole world was falling from his shoulders. He grabbed the inhaler and ran up to you, fell to his knees and put the inhaler between your lips, his free hand stroking your hair "I got it Y/N! I got it. Just a sec and you will feel better. I promise." You noticed him wiping a tear off his cheek as you started to inhale.  
"Good" he whispered "Breathe, my love. Everything will be okay now. I`m here. I`m right here". You took the inhaler between your own hands so Arthur could change his position and hug you from behind. His chest was softly pressed against your back "Come on, breathe with me ,okay? You know how to. You can do it". His gentle hands stroke up and down your shoulders and arms. You could tell that his hands were still shaky from panicking. His soft kiss on the back of yor head calmed you a lot while you slowly felt the air coming back.  
"Shhhht. The air will come back. Can you feel it coming back Y/N? It will. I promise. It will. Just feel my chest and breathe with me, okay? You can do this. I know you can."  
Feeling his chest lifting up and down was the most comforting feeling. He was breathing in deep and slow. Calm and thoughtful. And you did the same. Copied his rythm while inhaling. His brown curls tickeled your neck. You smelled his cologne. He was with you. You were not alone. You never were. Arthur was and will be on your side forever, breathing the same air as you. In and out. In and out.  
"Remember when I had trouble breathing while my laughter set in and you helped me out? We were breathing together. We`re one body. Let us do the same now.Okay baby?"  
You remembered. Sometimes his laughing fits became so bad he was nearly choking from trying to get it under control. You would sit behind him, jus the way he did with you right now, and tell him to breathe in sync with you. It was the only thing that calmed him down.   
"Good Y/N. Good. I can feel your lungs filling with air. I am proud of you. You do this so well. Just keep on breathing in and out with me."  
From all the things in your life, Arthurs love was the greatest gift. You felt his love shining through with every breath. With every lift of his chest. He felt like home.   
You finally started to relax and put the inhaler beside "Artie! Thank you. Thank you so much. You saved me!"  
He kissed your cheek from behind "You do save me every day of my life. Mostly from myself" he whispered in your ear. "Feelin better now? "  
"Yeah. Its over. I`m so glad you came back home in time."  
Arthur caressed your back in circles "Hoyt said earlier today, that I should meet up with the guys from Hahas and I wanted to go after I got my meds. I wrote you a little note and put in on the fridge. Haven`t you read it?"  
"Oh no, I havent seen it. i`m sorry."  
Arthur continued to place kisses on your head. "But then I had this strange feeling in my guts. And I turned around and decited to go home. That was why I was a little late. I would have been at Hahas for the whole evening. But I just felt there was something wrong. And I was right."  
"Thats how strong our connection is, darling. We just feel one another. Even if we are apart". You turned yor head to place a kiss upon his lips.  
"We do. I always carry you with me wherever I go. I love you so much Y/N. "  
"I love you even more, Artie!"  
He smiled "I dont think thats even possible"  
"Just hold me ,okay?"  
Arthur pulled you closer and kissed into your hair.  
"I will. The only thing that will make you breathless tonight is me kissing you".  
Arthur was cradeling you in his loving arms. You both closed your eyes and remained silent, breathing in sync like it was the most natural thing to do.  
And somehow that was everything.


End file.
